Faking conversations
Ever have those times where someone is talking about something that you just don’t care about? Or when they’re talking about something that you already know about but just won’t shut up?
Unfortunately, we’re all too often trapped by the “smile-and-nod” technique, which may work for a while… though it ultimately will lead to your doom, and here’s why. After too many “uh-huh”s and “yeah”s, people start to wonder if you’re actually listening. And then you get the dreaded statement:
“Repeat back what I just said.”
So my dears, I am here to educate you on how to completely fake a conversation without actually listening to anything.
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Step #1: Listen for logical stopping points
The first trick to faking conversation is that you don’t ACTUALLY have to reply to every statement they make. Usually you’ll be wanting to use these techniques on people who just LOVE to listen to themselves talk anyway, and they can go on for potentially minutes without you even being able to get a word in edgewise. All you have to listen for is what sounds like a summary (this may take two or three sayings with people who like to repeat themselves). For the rest, you can zone out, check your Facebook, whatever.
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Step #2: Listen to the last 5 words they said
Remember in grade school, when they used to make you read out loud out of textbooks, and they’d just go up and down the rows making each kid read a paragraph? If you were anything like me, you’d spend all the time doodling and not listening at all, and then when it was like two kids before your turn, you’d find where they were reading from and tune in then. This step kind of follows along those lines. If you listen to the last few words before the logical stopping point, you should be able to get a very small gist of what they’ve been talking about for the last ten minutes.
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Step #3: Make a vague-but-concrete-sounding statement
Sounds confusing, right? It’s really not. This step will be easier if you are actually familiar with the subject your conversation-er is talking about. Since this step is actually explained easier by example, allow me to provide you with a sample from a conversation with my roommate that I had a few nights ago. She was talking about a guy we had both dated, but I wasn’t really interested. This is when I tuned in:
“…but I wasn’t really surprised when he did that.”
My reply: “Yeah, that does sound exactly like something [NAME] would do. You get used to it after a while though.”
In truth, I had NO IDEA what the hell she was referencing. But see how I complimented what she was talking about? It makes it sound like I was listening, but in fact was incredibly vague. People DO get used to other people’s annoying behaviors, so that made sense. In fact, she even laughed and said that she HAD gotten used to it once they started living together. How freaking good am I?! Those are the kinds of statements to make when faking conversation.
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Step #4: Rinse and repeat as needed.
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CONGRATULATIONS!! You just learned how to fake a conversation.
